Inner Voice: wait, so let me get this right... you've been moping around all week-- no, scratch that... the past two weeks and all of a sudden you pen a couple of crappy poems and its all better?

Me: well, something like that... that and a bit of an impromptu spiritual cleansing

IV: spiritual cleansing? what the hell kinda whacked drugs you on?

Me: no no... you know what I mean, stop being an ass.

IV: so two crappy poems and a jig in the rain and its all better?

Me: not all better, but a little bit. And hey, I know its not my best stuff but they aren't exactly "crappy"!

IV: alright alright... whatever. So now what?

Me: so, I post the poems for my faithful readers to see, eat some Godiva Belgian Dark Chocolate Ice Cream, take a sleeping pill and go to bed... and hopefully I'll rest a little easier tonight.

IV: well, alright then... go post and I'll leave you alone.

Me: yeah, right... I've heard that before...

So, I cleaned off my front porch and sat down for awhile, thinking... I knew it was trying to rain, the air was heavy and straining with it. After a brief chat with neighbor boy across the street I decided I really wanted to write. Actually, I've been wanting to write since last night, but I can't seem to slow down enough to work on the story that I've outlined (I think it will be pretty good, bittersweet love story and all that, if I ever get more than the prologue down). But, I grabbed a notebook and sat outside and started babbling on paper, and then I turned the page and wrote the first poem. And the first poem really fit what has been going through my head, and honestly I felt a little better once it was down. It definitely isn't part of the best of my collection... but they were words that needed to be put down.

After a few minutes I had a few more words to put down, words in a different vein, words that voiced something of a revelation, words that while not necessarily have set me free have at least loosened the fetters just a bit.

As I sat and re-read what I had written... I decided that overall I was pleased with it. Perhaps not for presentation style, but the content was the key. And as I sat reading and re-reading, it finally started to rain... and as I sat staring at the rain flickering past the light post in front of my apartment, I gave into the urge and slowly removed my glasses, and quite deliberately made my way down the stairs and into the middle of the walkway, where I stood and let the rain fall, let the rain fall down me (heh, suddenly have Van Morrison stuck in my head again). And not only did the rain have a cooling effect... but a calming and soothing effect... and strangely enough, my soul felt lighter. I wasn't "happy," I didn't feel like frolicking... but I didn't feel so mired and trapped within my own personal misery.

And now, as I told my inner voice earlier... I'm off to take a pill and hopefully get some sleep. g'night.

DLand Notes, for the DLand In-Crowd

Recap

update - 2004-02-27
Worried... still - 2004-01-24
worried, slightly - 2004-01-23
pathetic entry #221212 - 2004-01-09
Checking In And Stuff - 2003-11-30

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