So, is it better to be unemployed or working long hours at a job you're beginning to hate? I'm back to dreading get up in the morning... Staring at myself in the mirror wondering, "how in the hell did this happen?"

I couldn't sleep last night, I was just sitting on the edge of my bed listing the things going wrong and listing what upsets me and listing what's right in my life. I hate when that last list is so short... so very very short.

I'm back to not liking who I am. I'm back to not liking my life. I'm back to wishing for a way out. I was thinking, abstractly mind you, about the concept of suicide... and it occurred to me that one major difference, perhaps in some particular light the only outstanding difference, between contemplating suicide and committing suicide is optimism. Someone may contemplate suicide, may look for a way out because it feels like they're all out of options and that they are completely alone and isolated and have no other recourse... and yet a glimmer of optimism tells them that they can't go through with it because its just a slump, and that its just temporary, and that someway, somehow, it will all work out.

Commitment means that there is no [perceived] hope, there are no more choices, things won't work themselves out and even if it does... there's nothing left to fight for. Lets hear it for the Half-full glass.

DLand Notes, for the DLand In-Crowd

Recap

update - 2004-02-27
Worried... still - 2004-01-24
worried, slightly - 2004-01-23
pathetic entry #221212 - 2004-01-09
Checking In And Stuff - 2003-11-30

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