I started a rundown of my week off... but things got busy and i got tired and its been too damned muggy in my apartment to sit in front of a laptop for hours... yeah, when i post, it takes hours. Funny that, really... because now people are telling me they only skim because i write novels... i babble so they try to glean the major points. So maybe I'll have something in the way of a summarizing outline and then go into more detail. Afterall, its all about the readership, right? And if I up the readership then I'll feel better about myself, right?

I'm sulking. I'm aware of the fact that I'm sulking. I'm annoyed at the fact that I'm sulking, but quite frankly I feel like doing little else. What am I sulking about? Oh, I'd say just about everything is fair game at the moment, thanks.

Sometimes I find myself so frustrated and so overwhelmed and so isolated and so misunderstood and unappreciated and unnoticed and disregarded that I feel myself teetering on the edge of insanity. So much emotion concentrated and compacted inside of me, and I have no outlet for it, nothing that really works anymore.

Have you seen it? The madness lurking within my eyes? You must have seen it, because I feel it, I can almost see it shadowing the edges of my awareness... Have you any idea how much strength and endurance and sheer will power it takes to keep it all contained and under control? I wish I could just let go. I wish I could have a good old fashioned temper tantrum or something... but I cannot relinquish control, even for only a moment.

But no, I don't suppose you see it. No one does. This is proof of how iron tight my control is, how rigid my will is. And so the storm rages.

Hmm... No, I suppose you wouldn't catch that if you were only skimming... now would you?"

DLand Notes, for the DLand In-Crowd

Recap

update - 2004-02-27
Worried... still - 2004-01-24
worried, slightly - 2004-01-23
pathetic entry #221212 - 2004-01-09
Checking In And Stuff - 2003-11-30

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