crossposted from DS2. sorry this isn't so busy anymore... but in truth, you really aren't missing much, trust me.

its like a death in the family. or a break up. maybe its both. but i suppose sooner or later comes acceptance. or maybe its just the lack of a will to fight. i was told that as one of my life's lessons i had to indirectly take her on, that her asserting her will and opinion on him was part of the challenge because i needed to loosen some of her grip on him. But you know what? I choose not to take on this fight. I choose to walk away. I choose to lay down my not-so-righteous sword and scratch this name off of my list. It hurts, moreso that I'm losing him than the fact that I've lost her... because to be perfectly honest he was the only one that really mattered to me.

However, he's chosen his side... all the while trying to be "understanding" and "semi-neutral." In the end, I don't fit into their perfect picture and he's too far gone into that perfect picture. In the end, it is all the better for me because sooner or later he'll get that call and the FBI will take them away... and the separation anxiety I'd been fearing for the last 2 years will be but a distant memory, because they've already gone (if they were ever truly there to begin with).

My impulse is still to defend my actions, explain myself... but in the end, it is a battle I cannot win. Why did they bother sugar-coating it back in August, if in the end we all wind up exactly where I'd feared we were going?

So, its done, and I'm done... and I'm moving on. I no longer feel even the slightest motivation to try and make things right. I'm going back to living my life the way I was living it 3 or 4 years ago. Finding the things I was good at, the things that interested me, the things they couldn't be bothered to support me in in the first place. 4 years ago, I was mostly happy... and I wasn't so dependent on them.

So long, big brother.

DLand Notes, for the DLand In-Crowd

Recap

update - 2004-02-27
Worried... still - 2004-01-24
worried, slightly - 2004-01-23
pathetic entry #221212 - 2004-01-09
Checking In And Stuff - 2003-11-30

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